Blog #15 - Trepidation - SBN Samantha

Trepidation, according to Google, is defined as "a feeling of fear or agitation about something that will happen."  I've been trying to figure out what I'm feeling about tomorrow's 100 rounds of sparring, and that is pretty much it.  If you don't already know (which you probably do, cause I talk about it often...perhaps too much), I'm not a fan of sparring.  I'm afraid to get hit or kicked, and it causes so much hesitation when I'm sparring.  I actually used to cry during sparring practice, even while training for my 1st Degree Black Belt.

Being afraid of getting hit is a good thing, obviously, because it's a self-preservation mindset.  However, as a martial artist I feel like it's preventing me from demonstrating the skill and technique I possess.  Many people have told me that I am good at sparring, but I just don't feel that way, and I get easily intimidated by aggressive opponents.  Even as a 4th Degree candidate, I still haven't figured out how to get over this, and maybe it's because sparring is not something I enjoy.  Maybe I will always dislike it. 

However, just because I don't like it, and just because I'm afraid of it, doesn't mean I'm not going to participate full-out tomorrow.  I keep joking to Master Nick about how I'm going to die tomorrow, in a figurative sense, but I do know that I will face my fear and meet this challenge with all of my energy and focus.  It's only 200 minutes of my life, and who knows...maybe some of it will be fun. :)

Comments

  1. MicheleNovember 8, 2019 at 7:43 PM

    I totally get it Samantha :)!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AmiMinorNovember 10, 2019 at 9:39 PM

    And now that it's all over and you kicked butt. You did such a great job and you look in your element despite all that you just said.

    ReplyDelete

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